


I Miss You When the Lights Go Out

by soundofkyu



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sunggyu Cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-18 19:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17586656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundofkyu/pseuds/soundofkyu
Summary: "I miss you when the lights go outIt illuminates all of my doubtsPull me in, hold me tightDon't let go, baby give me light"Sunggyu and Woohyun spend a night together before Woohyun leaves for Russia and Sunggyu leaves for the army.





	I Miss You When the Lights Go Out

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a line from Adele's song 'I Miss You'. Maybe if I had picked a different soundtrack this would have been a very different (happier) story.

Sunggyu isn’t afraid of the dark, but he hates Woohyun’s blackout blinds. In his opinion a home should have natural light, a window that you can crack open to poke your head out when the four walls become suffocating instead of comforting. Despite the hours he spends in this apartment he has never said a word, rarely even touches the permanently closed fabric. Sunggyu knows that Woohyun needs the security. An illusion of privacy that is lacking in many other aspects of their lives. 

It’s so dark that if Sunggyu dared to move he’s sure that his hand wouldn’t be visible even if held right in front of his face. He certainly can’t see the man sleeping next to him, can only hear the soft even breaths that reassure him that Woohyun is still there. 

A gentle sigh breaks through Sunggyu’s lips as he realises that in a matter of days he will probably be longing for the cool dark when he’s trying to sleep in the barracks with 10 other recruits in the room. This unwanted reminder of his looming enlistment tightens a knot in Sunggyu’s stomach. 

He’s scared and never expected to be doing this alone. Memories of promises lightly made on sweaty practice room floors fill his mind. “We won’t leave your side”, “I’ll follow you, Hyung”, “Nothing can break Infinite apart”, “We can all go together”. Reality never really lines up with our expectations though, Sunggyu learned this the hard way trying to hold Infinite together with his bare hands. 

The dark is suddenly oppressive and Sunggyu longs to see Woohyun’s face. He needs something to ground him in this moment, hopes that a glimpse of his best friend will erase his doubts. Sunggyu moves slowly despite his urgency, careful not to let the bed dip and wake the man next to him. He reaches up gently and lowers the blinds above the bed, not even sure what time of night it is exactly. 

It’s not starlight that filters into the room, the smog and cityscape of Seoul prevent that. But Sunggyu pretends the ever-present glow of the city that passes over Woohyun’s skin could be moonlight. 

Woohyun asleep is a raw and beautiful sight. His face relaxed, untouched by the photo editors that find flaws Sunggyu has never seen and never believed are really there to begin with. Sunggyu’s hands itch as he resists the urge to reach out and touch the gentle curves and sharp lines illuminated by the soft glow.

Sunggyu traces the other boy’s features with his gaze for a moment before he gives in and spreads his long fingers carefully into Woohyun’s soft black hair. The heat of Woohyun’s scalp warms his hand and Sunggyu’s heart swells and then aches. Suddenly it’s all too much, instead of grounding him Woohyun’s sleeping face makes him feel like the night is fleeting. He wonders how it’s possible to miss someone this much when they are under your touch. 

It surprises Sunggyu when the first tears prick in the corner of his eyes. He works so hard to be the strong leader that Infinite, the company and the fans all silently request of him that he rarely lets himself cry. Maybe he’s still delicate from having to break the news to the fans while on stage, see the hurt cloud their previously shining eyes. In that moment he had worried that their love had been permanently dimmed by his last-minute confession.

“Next week…” Sunggyu began, the words getting stuck in his throat. The excited screams of the fans filled the hall just at the possibility of something new, something to anticipate with excitement and not the dread filling Sunggyu’s body. He had begun to regret the announcement before it had even been given life. “I’ll be enlisting into the army” he quietly mutters from the stage, anxiety rolling from his crown of platinum blonde hair right down to the tips of his toes. 

He will say later in defence that it was the shock of crying more than anything else that let the sob slip out of his throat and wake Woohyun. Sunggyu freezes when he feels Woohyun turn onto his side, suddenly so close that warm puffs of breath ghost over his face. 

“…Hyung? Are you ok?” Woohyun croaks, the sound of sleep rounding out his words. 

The silence that follows is unnatural, pressing down more than the dark ever did. When a second sob cracks out of Sunggyu’s throat Woohyun moves closer. Sunggyu feels Woohyun tangle their legs together and he finds himself tucked tightly against Woohyun’s chest. As Sunggyu twists his hands into the soft cotton of Woohyun’s shirt he thinks that maybe he’s never felt safer. He wishes he could carry Woohyun’s warmth and scent with him into the next 20 months.

Sunggyu feels Woohyun’s chest vibrate before he registers the question which was spoken gently into his hair. “Sunggyu, talk to me. What’s wrong?”. 

Sunggyu’s heart pounds in his ears as he tries to find the words to describe the emotions closing in on him from all sides. He doesn’t know how to coherently explain that the quiet dark illuminated every doubt and worry that had been pushed aside in the adrenaline rush of the previous week. 

Sunggyu weakly cries into Woohyun’s shirt, his humid breath and tears suffocating him against Woohyun’s chest. However, Sunggyu only clings onto Woohyun tighter, hoping that the other man will hold him firmer, never let go, meld them into one. 

“I- I… miss you, Hyun” he finally stutters out between sobs. “I don’t know how to leave and have us just be a memory I hold onto”.

Woohyun loosens his grip, pulls back slightly and Sunggyu starts to panic until he feels warm hands move soothingly and with purpose up his back, to the base of his neck and then moving around to cup his face. Sunggyu feels Woohyun’s thumb caress his cheekbone gently, smoothing away the tears that are still falling. 

“I’m here, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere” Woohyun replies before he places healing kisses on each of Sunggyu’s cheeks. Woohyun makes an obnoxious kiss sound as he pulls away and then a quiet chuckle falls from his lips as he notices Sunggyu leaning in for more with a smirk on his face. 

Woohyun has never been able to deny Sunggyu anything so he leans in again, this time finding Sunggyu’s lips with his own in a way that has never become routine. Sunggyu hums contentedly into the kiss as the tears fade away. 

Woohyun is hesitant and to be honest, he’s scared. He hasn’t seen Sunggyu cry like this for years and isn’t really sure what the older man needs from him right now. Isn’t used to Sunggyu feeling fragile in his arms. It strikes Woohyun as funny that it’s normally him shedding tears unexpectedly, but his quick emotions haven’t given him any tips on how to deal with the reverse situation. 

“Just kiss me, Woohyun. I can practically hear your brain going into overdrive.” Sunggyu breathes out, too worried about the sobs starting again if he raises his voice above a whisper. 

That’s all the encouragement Woohyun needs, titling his head and slotting their lips together with want as he settles in between Sunggyu’s thighs. Sunggyu opens his mouth and sucks on Woohyun’s bottom lip, earning a moan from the younger boy. 

The fog of sleep is falling away rapidly and in its place lust sets in. Woohyun feels himself getting hard but he still isn’t sure of what Sunggyu needs. He pulls back, cradling Sunggyu’s head in his palm and looks into the older boy's eyes, still shimmering with a reminder of tears. 

“Gyu, what do you want?” Woohyun says with so much affection that Sunggyu’s breath hitches as his stomach bursts alive with butterflies. Sunggyu tilts up his hips with more purpose than any movement he’s made since Woohyun was woken up and states clearly “I want you, Woohyun. That’s all I ever want”.

Woohyun quickly reaches out an arm and fumbles with the mess of his bedside table that’s become littered with junk from their three days in bed together. He finds the bottle of lube without too much destruction occurring and makes quick work undressing them both with hot kisses planted on each patch of newly exposed skin. 

Aside from Woohyun’s gentle haste to make sure Sunggyu is ready, when he finally pushes in and feels Sunggyu’s hands curl into his hair, he realises this is one of the more tender moments they have shared. When he begins to move, deeply and slowly, it is a sharp contrast to the playful sex of the previous days. Laughter quick off their tongues, mischief shining in their eyes. 

Sunggyu is looking up at Woohyun, his pale skin lightly flushed, rose dusting his cheekbones and collarbones. Woohyun desperately wants to dip down and run a tongue over the pretty blush and maybe leave a more permanent mark. To do so however would involve looking away from a gaze so filled with love and longing that Woohyun feels immobilised. 

Woohyun can feel the words forming in the base of his lungs, so heavy that he isn’t sure his breath is forceful enough to pull them out. Three words that every person longs to hear and longs to say. He knows they are real, there isn’t anything about the man underneath him that gives Woohyun pause. 

Sunggyu’s hands are now splayed protectively across Woohyun’s back, slender fingers pressing insistently into the defined muscle. Each point of gentle pressure burns Woohyun’s skin, but not as much as the warm thighs that wrap around and squeeze against his hip bones. Quick puffs of air that haven’t quite developed into moans land on the side of his neck. Woohyun has never been surer of anyone, hasn’t wanted to build a home in a person more than in this moment. 

That’s what weighs on his chest though – Woohyun wants a home. He wants to climb into Sunggyu’s ribcage and never look back. Irrevocably tie his life to Sunggyu’s in a way so personal he can’t begin grasp how that fits with the rest of their lives. 

Because it isn’t just Nam Woohyun and Kim Sunggyu: two men in Love. They are idols, entertainers, role models, singers, leaders, brothers, sons. Woohyun constantly feels the pull of each expectation and he isn’t sure how to separate out the celebrity from the person he feels like when he’s in Sunggyu’s arms. Doesn’t feel like he is capable of loving Sunggyu and then holding that love back when it’s demanded of him. Woohyun won’t let his heart be bruised, be turned bitter, by a reality that has them separated for upwards of three years while they serve their country one after the other. 

Instead of speaking the truth Woohyun pushes it down deeper into his lungs, leans in close and huffs right into Sunggyu’s ear in a tone so low and broken with lust that it shocks even himself: “Give me a memory I can use”. 

“Oh god, Woohyun.” Sunggyu moans, his heart racing at the sound of Woohyun’s voice and the possibility that Woohyun needs this just as much as he does. 

Woohyun runs a rough hand down Sunggyu’s waist, down the length of his thigh to his knee before returning to press a bruising palm into the dip of Sunggyu’s hip as he increases the pace. Sunggyu’s moans get louder, more desperate, reverberate off the white bedroom walls until it’s all Woohyun can think about. 

Woohyun tries to muffle the moans with a kiss that ends up being more shared breath and clashing teeth. He reaches down to wrap a hand around Sunggyu’s length and it is only moments later that Sunggyu is coming, face buried in Woohyun’s shoulder muffling the lewdest whine onto Woohyun’s skin. Woohyun knows that sound will be burned into his memory for the rest of his life and it pushes him over the edge. 

He collapses onto Sunggyu, but quickly uses his strength to flip them over and pull Sunggyu in close. Woohyun can feel Sunggyu’s heart pounding against his own chest, thump, thump, thump. Too fast but comforting nevertheless. 

When Sunggyu has caught his breath, he pulls himself up to press his lips gently against Woohyun’s which turn up into a smile. Woohyun tugs Sunggyu close and starts littering his face with quick kisses before settling his lips against the soft skin behind Sunggyu’s ear where he whispers sweet nothings that threaten to float away the moment they are spoken. 

The only sounds in the room is the gentle rustle of sheets as Woohyun runs his hands along Sunggyu’s back, traces his foot up and down Sunggyu’s calves and the low hum of Woohyun’s words. Sunggyu realises in that second that the dark isn’t unsettling if Woohyun is there to give off his light. 

\- 

Weeks later Woohyun finds himself sitting in the too hot practice room under the scrutiny of dozens of cameras and bored staff waiting to go home. It’s hard to believe that eight years have passed but he truly feels the passage of time when he looks around and sees part of a whole beside him. Four people sat in a row that should be made of seven. 

The script calls for Woohyun to move the conversation onto Sunggyu’s absence, and it’s laughable to Woohyun that he would need a reminder. Sunggyu should be next to him with playground insults on the tip of his tongue and promises conveyed in the grip of long fingers on his thigh. It suddenly occurs to Woohyun that maybe he can’t do this without Sunggyu. The chaos of the broadcast certainly suggests that the true leader is very much missed. 

Dongwoo’s laughter loud in his ear cuts through Woohyun’s thoughts and pulls him back to the present. The sudden need to speak causes Woohyun’s words to tumble out before his brain can catch up. 

“Before I went to Russia, I was together with Sunggyu for three days.”

He never intended to reveal this, wanting instead to try and preserve their time together without shattering the moment by opening it to the prying minds of the fans. However, Woohyun thinks back to that last night. While a lump sticks in his throat, the three words that he really wanted to say feel lighter. It’s like each person that will share the conveyance of the words dulls their meaning. Takes a little piece of the love Woohyun holds for themselves until the sentiment shrinks from something immeasurable into a narrative that Woohyun can cope with and weave into each distinct part of his life. 

This is Woohyun’s chance and he hopes that Sunggyu understands. Hopes even more that Sunggyu understood that night without Woohyun’s lips forming each syllable, but felt it in his touch and in his gaze. It’s with that thought that Woohyun speaks again. 

“I didn’t get to tell him this. I love you!”


End file.
